TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT....

The following is a perspective by postal commentator Gene Del Polito for Direct magazine. The views expressed are the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official views of the Association for Postal Commerce.

Well, the word's out. Postmaster General William Henderson will be leaving as CEO of the U.S. Postal Service on May 31, 2001. Regardless of whom the Governors pick as Henderson's successor, there are a few things about the job the new person should keep in mind.

First, the Postmaster General is required to operate the largest mail system in the world. It's also the largest civilian employer in the United States. It's the federal government's largest single agency, and it generates some $64 billion in revenue. For this, the new PMG will be paid a "world class" compensation. "World class," that is, if we're talking about pikers, since the PMG will be paid a mere $164,000. Within days of taking the job, the PMG will learn that no one he decides to hire can be paid more than him. In other words, good luck trying to find the kind of people you're going to need to make the USPS a thriving, rather than merely a barely surviving, institution.

Second, there's an old saying in Washington, if you're looking for friend, get yourself a dog. That's especially true for any PMG. Don't expect people to praise you for your good work. Don't expect any accolades for your self-sacrifice to "give something back to the nation."

What you should expect is to find yourself hauled up on Capitol Hill to answer every grievance and complaint any member of Congress feels the urge to pin on you. You'll be made to look the fool to the delight of your "aggrieved constituencies." Your name will be sullied in the pages of the American press. And your staff (you know, the people who are supposed to back you up) will be looking for every opportunity to prove that...well...you're just not as good as the late PMG Bill (I still smell of the mail sacks I dragged as a mere clerk) Bolger was purported to be.

Just remember this. When you look out your window at what you think is the Potomac, be sure keep in mind that what you're really seeing is the River Styx. You've got six months to make your mark on this institution. If you can't make it by then, the balance of your tenure will be played on the defensive. That sucking sound you'll begin to hear will be the sound of a bloated bureaucracy that has swallowed into the postal stew people more talented than yourself.

Oh, yes, from us all..."good luck."